On November 28, 1977, when I was approaching my 8th birthday, The Muppet Show aired a sketch in which a character began by saying that on the outside, he was very calm, but on the inside...
An edit suggests we're entering his mind, and he starts singing "The Windmills of Your Mind." In its original form, it is a slow tune by French composer Michel Legrand, with French lyrics by Eddy Marnay. It was given English lyrics by the husband & wife team of Alan & Marilyn Bergman. It was sung by Noel Harrison over the opening credits of the 1968 film The Thomas Crown Affair. It won the Academy Award for Best Original Song. Dusty Springfield had a hit single with it.
But on The Muppet Show, this character appears to be running from left to right across the screen, with three feet forming a pinwheel off one leg, and as he runs faster, he sings the song faster, until he crashes into a windmill. This dovetails with the idea of the "the windmills of your mind" being a metaphor for Miguel de Cervantes' character Don Quixote charging at windmills, thinking they're giants.
And we jump back to him sitting in his chair in his living room, where he's shaking with fear, and saying, "But on the outside, I'm very calm." And then he screams, jumps out of his chair, and runs.
That made a big impression on me as a kid. It was about 40 years before I learned that the character had a name: "Screaming Thing." And it was about 20 years before I heard the song in its proper context, and could take it seriously -- not just as an expression of sadness and loss, but, perhaps, as a form of... not necessarily mental illness, but of not being able to concentrate on things that really matter.
Because that's the way my mind works. This is what it's like. I'm on a bus to New York. We go into the Lincoln Tunnel. That makes me think of Abe Lincoln. That makes me think of his Gettysburg Address. Which begins with the words, "Four score and seven years ago." Which makes me ask myself, "Why couldn't he just say 87 years?"
Which reminds me that I graduated from East Brunswick High School in '87. Which reminds me that, in many ways, 1987 was a good year. Which makes me think, "You know, I haven't seen a Goodyear Blimp in a long time." Which makes me think, "I haven't seen a Blimpie store in a long time."
Which makes me ask myself, "Are Blimpie still in business?" So I think, "Subway may have driven them out of business. Subway is lousy. I'd rather be stuck on the subway. Hey, we just came out of the Tunnel. Which means I'll be on the subway in ten minutes." And so on, and so on, and so on.
(Yes, Blimpie is still in business. But only one is in New York City, and only 18 are in New Jersey, where it debuted, in Hoboken in 1964. And that original Hoboken location is now closed.)
When I was boy, we didn't have terms like "attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder," or "neurodivergent." Football star-turned-broadcaster Terry Bradshaw said in his memoir that, when he was a boy, the name for it was, "Aw, that's just Terry." In my case, they called it, "What is wrong with you?"
And because they treated it as something wrong, not merely something different, it wasn't just that they didn't know how to handle, they chose to not handle it. They kept telling me I was smart, but because I couldn't think like they could, like "a normal person," they treated me like garbage.
The shock isn't that someone as smart as I was, but as affected as I was, turned out the way I did; it's that I turned out even that well. Had I been born 20 or so years earlier, as Bradshaw was, but, as I was, without his massive athletic talent allowing me (pardon the choice of words) a pass in society, I'd probably have ended up in Bellevue, or someplace like it. As was said by the member of the Jets gang pretending to be the psychiatrist in West Side Story, "Society's played him a terrible trick," and "This child does not need to have his head shrunken at all."
(It also took many years to find out that "social disease" meant "venereal disease.")
But it explains everything. It explains why I became a sports fan: I didn't fit in with people on a regular basis, so I found something in common, where being a little off-kilter was, if not "normal," then, at least, "the usual." It explains why I got into science fiction: The search for a better world, a better life, which brought me into contact with many other people who were similar. (Although I've never really gotten into the fantasy genre, though I understand the appeal.)
So, here I am, 54 years old, a mostly-functioning person in modern society, with more control over thoughts than ever before, and with enough perspective to know that a minor slight is no big deal, and even one bad day is not the end of the world.
On the other hand, I live in the New York Tri-State Area. And I'm on high blood pressure medication. And we're entering a Presidential election year. And, regardless of the result, it will be the most stressful Presidential election of all time.
I don't know if I could have handled this situation when I was younger. I can probably handle it now...
What I'm saying is... On the outside, I'm very calm.
At any rate, Happy New Year.
*
Days until the next Arsenal match: 7, a week from today, at 11:30 AM New York Eastern Time, home to Liverpool F.C., in the 3rd Round of the FA Cup. Given the history of the games between the teams, including 3 FA Cup Finals (Arsenal winning in 1950 and 1971, Liverpool in 2001), it should not be this early in the tournament. On the other hand, they played each other in the 4th Round in 2014, and Arsenal went on to win the Cup. So, who knows.
Days until the Iowa Caucuses: 15, on Monday, January 15, 2024. That's right: Just a little over 2 weeks until the Republican Party officially starts to fall all over itself for Donald Trump for the 3rd time.
Days until the next game of the U.S. National Soccer Team: 20, on January 20, 2024, at 3:00 PM, an international friendly, home to Slovenia, at Toyota Field in San Antonio, home of 2nd-tier team San Antonio F.C.
Days until the New Hampshire Primary: 23, on Tuesday, February 23, 2024.
Days until the New Jersey Devils again play a local rival: 48, on Saturday, February 17, 2024, at 8:00 PM, away to the Philadelphia Flyers.
Days until the next New York Red Bulls game: 56, on Sunday, February 25, 2024, at 5:00 PM Eastern Time, away to Nashville SC. This is the season opener. Exactly 8 weeks.
Days until Donald Trump's federal election trial begins: 64, on Monday, March 4, 2024. If we're lucky, he'll be convicted before the Republican Convention, and the Republican Party will do the right thing, and drop his fat fascist ass.
Days until the Yankees' season opener: 88, on Thursday, March 28, 2024, time TBA, away to the Houston Astros. Under 3 months.
Days until the Yankees' home opener: 96, on Friday, April 5, 2024, 1:05 PM, vs. those pesky Toronto Blue Jays. Unusually, the Yankees do not have the day after the home opener off, in case of rainout.
Days until the next North London Derby: 118, on Saturday, April 27, 2024, at 10:00 AM New York time, at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. The game will almost certainly be rescheduled, to a different time, maybe to a different day, for the purpose of TV ratings. But it will still be that weekend. Under 4 months.
Days until the Red Bulls again play a nearby rival: 132, on Saturday, May 11, 2024, at 7:30 PM, home to the New England Revolution.
Days until the Yankees' next series against the Boston Red Sox begins: 166, on Friday night, June 14, 2024, at Fenway Park. Under 6 months.
Days until the next Summer Olympic Games: 208, on Friday, July 26, 2024, in Paris, France. Under 7 months.
Days until the next Rutgers University football game: 244, on Saturday, August 31, 2024, at 12:00 Noon, home to Howard University. Just 8 months.
Days until the next East Brunswick High School football game: Unknown, as the schedule hasn't been released yet. If it goes as usual, starting on the 1st Friday in September at 7:00 PM, that will be on September 6, 2024. That's 250 days, or a little over 8 months.
Days until the next East Brunswick-Old Bridge game: Unknown. If the 2024 game is played in the same week of the year as was the 2023 game, a close 30-28 loss, it will be on Friday, September 20, at 7:00 PM, away, at Vince Lombardi Field. That would be 264 days. A little under 9 months.
Days until the next Presidential election: 310, on Tuesday, November 5, 2024. A little under a year, or a little over 10 months.
Days until the next elections for Governor of New Jersey and Mayor of New York City: 674, on Tuesday, November 4, 2025. A little under 2 years, or a little over 22 months.
Days until the next Rutgers-Penn State football game: Unknown. With the expansion of the Big Ten Conference for the 2024 season, these 2 schools will not play each other in 2024. They are set to play each other in 2025, but a date has not been set. Since Rutgers entered the Big 10 in 2014, the Penn State game has usually been on the 3rd or 4th Saturday in November. If that holds true, then it will be on November 22, 2025, at 12:00 Noon, in Piscataway, at what's currently named SHI Stadium. (The naming rights could well be sold to someone else by then.) If that turns out to be when it's played, that's 692 days.
Days until the next Winter Olympics open in Milan, Italy: 768, on Friday, February 6, 2026. A little over 2 years, or a little over 25 months.
Days until the next World Cup opens: 890, on Monday, June 8, 2026. Under 2 1/2 years, or a little over 29 months.