This actually exists.
Someone actually thought he could
make a profit by making and selling this.
Maybe he did.
It's November. You know what that means. We prepare for the big family holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas. And we start watching holiday season movies.
Let me explain something to you, people: Die Hard is not a Christmas movie!
You cannot have a Christmas movie if there is no snow. And Die Hard takes place in Los Angeles. No snow. Therefore, not a Christmas movie.
Yes, it takes place on December 24, Christmas Eve. Yes, there is a family reunion at the end. Yes, the good guys win in the end.
But there is not really a Christian message in it. There aren't really presents to speak of. And, most of all, there's no damn snow!
Does this mean that no movie that takes place in Los Angeles can ever be a Christmas movie? Sure, it can, as long as the action starts in Los Angeles, and then moves to a place where there is snow. There are plenty of snow-capped mountains in California, and the movie can move to one of those places.
Nut not Los Angeles itself. I don't care if Santa Claus is driving his sleigh down Sunset Boulevard, with Ralphie Parker riding shotgun with his Red Ryder BB gun, with Jesus and child Natalie Wood in the back seat: If there is no snow, it's not a Christmas movie! Get that through your head!
The Christmas when people do get that through their heads will be the best Christmas ever!
Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. if it is, then so are The Thin Man, Meet Me In St. Louis, The Apartment, The French Connection, Three Days of the Condor, Trading Places, Gremlins, Running Scared, Steel Magnolias, Edward Scissorhands, Batman Returns, The Long Kiss Goodnight. L.A. Confidential, and Shazam! You could add most versions of Little Women.
All those movies take place during the Christmas season, all of them have men dressed in Santa Claus. With the obvious exception of L.A. Confidential, all of them have snow. And those are all better movies than Die Hard.
I will not die on this hill. But I will knock a sucker off it.
Don't worry: Not even I am arrogant enough to suggest that Rocky IV, Lethal Weapon, or Invasion U.S.A. -- or any Chuck Norris movie, for that matter, is a better movie than Die Hard.