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"A slap in the face is a humiliation. To the back of the head is a wakeup call."
-- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs (Mark Harmon), NCIS
A lot of jokes were told about Elizabeth Taylor. Richard Burton never slapped anybody over it.
Joan Rivers told a lot of those jokes. And a lot of people told jokes about her plastic surgery. Her husband, Edgar Stern, was still alive for a lot of it. He never slapped anybody over it.
Sean Penn was married to Madonna for a while. And he's known for hitting people. He once assaulted a photographer for taking unwanted pictures of them together. But she had a lot of jokes told about her, from Roseanne Barr to Julie Brown. (Not Downtown Julie Brown.) He never slapped anybody over it.
A lot of people have told jokes about Roseanne. Neither Tom Arnold nor any of her other husbands has ever slapped anybody over it.
Elton John wrote a song about Marilyn Monroe. Joe DiMaggio never slapped him over it.
But Will Smith? He saw his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, freely admit that she cheated on him many times; and practically admit that her pre-Will boyfriend, rapper Tupac Shakur, remains the love of her life. And he's taken it all. But one silly joke from the host of the Academy Awards, and he decides it's slap-worthy?
Chris Rock stood there and took it. He never even went down.
Gentlemen, start your jokes. These three were mine:
* In my lifetime, the Oscar broadcast has gone from streaking to naked aggression. (In 1974, a streaker ran in front of David Niven as he was trying to present an award.)
* I guess New York really is tougher than Philly.
* Maybe Will would have appreciated the joke if the original G.I. Jane film hadn't been such a flop.
* If the left were as conspiracy-minded as the right is, we'd be saying Will Smith is a Russian asset, who did it to get people's minds of Vladimir Putin's war crimes in Ukraine.
Others:
* Howard Stern: "If Jason Momoa had made that joke, Will Smith, like a bitch, would have said, 'Thank you for acknowledging my wife, Mr. Momoa,'"
* Stern was also one of many, including myself, who noted that he slapped Chris Rock, not Dwayne Johnson, a.k.a. The Rock.
* Patton Oswalt, referencing the 2017 Awards, when La La Land was announced as the winner for Best Picture, even though the judges awarded it to Moonlight: "Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty must be texting like mad right now."
* Diedrich Bader, formerly of The Drew Carey Show: "As a minor celebrity I feel like I have 27-30 hours to do anything I want and no one will notice."
* Michael Harriot, writer for The Amber Ruffin Show: "Anyone who thinks this was staged has never seen Chris Rock act."
* Alanah Pearce, video game columnist, citing the theme song from Smith's sitcom, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: "You’re telling me he got in one little fight and everyone got scared????"
* And, I forget who said it: "Of course, Will hit Chris with an open hand. Paper beats Rock!"
And did anybody notice that Will Smith has gotten in more trouble for slapping a man 3 years older than Pedro Martinez got in for grabbing a man 40 years older by the head and throwing him to the ground?
*
Days until the next game of the U.S. National Soccer Team: 0, tonight, at 9:05 U.S. Eastern Time, away to Costa Rica. The USMNT should achieve qualification tonight.
Days until the next New York Red Bulls game: 4, this Saturday at 7:30 PM, away to the New England Revolution.
Days until the Red Bulls again play a nearby rival: See the previous answer.
Days until the New Jersey Devils again play a local rival: 5, this Sunday afternoon, home to the New York Islanders.
Days until the next Arsenal game: 6, this coming Monday, 3:00 PM New York time, home to South London team Crystal Palace.
Days until the next North London Derby: Unknown. It was supposed to be on January 16, at the new Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, but was postponed due to COVID protocols, and has not yet been rescheduled.
Days until the Yankees play another game that counts: 7, on April 7, home to the Boston Red Sox.
Days until the Yankees' home opener: See the previous answer.
Days until the Yankees' next series against the Boston Red Sox begins: See the previous answer.
Days until the next Rutgers University football game: 158, on Saturday, September 3, 2022, away to Boston College. A little over 5 months.
Days until the next East Brunswick High School football game: 164, on Friday, September 9, 2022, against arch-rival Old Bridge. Under 6 months. Hopefully, our home field, under renovation through the entire 2021 season, will be ready, so we don't have to go back to the purple pit.
Days until the next East Brunswick-Old Bridge game: See the previous answer.
Days until the next elections for the U.S. Congress and for the Governors of most States in the Union, including New York and Pennsylvania: 224, on Tuesday, November 8, 2022. A little over 7 months.
Days until the next World Cup opens: 237, on Friday, November 21, 2022, in Doha, Qatar. Under 8 months.
Days until the next Rutgers-Penn State football game: 242, on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, November 26, at 12:00 noon, at SHI Stadium in Piscataway, New Jersey. Under 8 months.
Days until the next Women's World Cup opens: 468, on Friday, July 10, 2023, jointly held in the neighboring nations of Australia and New Zealand. Under a year and a half, or a little over 15 months.
Days until the next Summer Olympic Games: 850, on Friday, July 26, 2024, in Paris, France. Under 2 and a half years, or under 28 months.
Days until the next Presidential election: 952, on Tuesday, November 5, 2024. Under 3 years, or a little over 31 months.
Days until the next elections for Governor of New Jersey and Mayor of New York City: 1,316, on Tuesday, November 4, 2025. Under 4 years.
Days until the next Winter Olympics open in Milan, Italy: 1,410, on Friday, February 6, 2026. Under 4 years.