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Los Angeles Shams

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November 6, 1984: President Ronald Reagan is re-elected. The Republican incumbent won 49 out of 50 States, tying the record of Richard Nixon in 1972; for a record 525 Electoral Votes, breaking the record of 523 set by Franklin Roosevelt in 1936.

The Democratic nominee, former Vice President Walter Mondale, won only his home State of Minnesota, and that by only 2,996 votes, and that not decided until after midnight, Eastern Time. (Minnesota is on Central Time.) That was good for 10 Electoral Votes. He also won the District of Columbia, with a majority of its permanent residents being black. That was good for 10 more.

The next night, Jay Leno guest-hosts The Tonight Show for Johnny Carson on NBC, and says, "When I went to bed, I had only 3 more Electoral Votes than Mondale, and I wasn't even running!"

February 3, 2019: Super Bowl LIII is held at Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta. The New England Patriots beat the Los Angeles Rams 13-3. It was only 3-0 Patriots at halftime, and 3-3 at the end of 3 quarters.

The Rams joined the 1971-72 Miami Dolphins, in Super Bowl VI, as the lowest-scoring team in Super Bowl history, the only ones not to score a touchdown; and the 2000-01 New York Giants, in Super Bowl XXXV, as the only other one not to score an offensive touchdown. And the Patriots became the lowest-scoring team ever to win a Super Bowl, breaking the record of 14 by the 1972-73 Dolphins, in Super Bowl VII.

It was the worst Super Bowl ever played. Which was weird, because the 8 previous Super Bowls that Bill Belichick and Tom Brady had cheated their way into had all been thrillers that went down to the last minute of regulation play -- and, in 1 case, to overtime.

I'm reminded of the 1987 NFL strike, when "scab teams" led to nicknames for the teams: The Buffalo Counterfeit Bills, the Detroit Lyin's, the Houston Spoilers, the Indianapolis Dolts, the New Orleans Ain'ts, the New York Grounded Jets, the San Diego Negative Chargers, the San Francisco Phony Niners, the Tampa Bay 99-Cent-an-eers.

One name is worth mentioning now: The Los Angeles Shams.

The Rams may have been the best team in the NFL all through the season, until last night. Fans of the New Orleans Saints, the Kansas City Chiefs, the now-Los Angeles Chargers, and, of course, the Patriots have reason to disagree. But the Rams had a good case.

Last night, they lost the case.

To paraphrase Jay Leno...

Last night, the Los Angeles Rams scored only 3 more points than I did, and I wasn't even in the game.

They only needed 14.

Rams, you had one job. And it turned out to not be nearly as difficult as you thought it would be. All you had to do was score 14 points -- 2 touchdowns -- against a team that averaged 20 points allowed per game.

And you couldn't do it.

You bums.

Also, if you can't score more than 3 points in a Super Bowl, you don't get to be called a "genius." So let's hold off on using that term for Rams coach Sean McVay for a while longer.

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Days until the New Jersey Devils next play a local rival: 3, this Thursday night, home to the New York Islanders. The next game against the New York Rangers, a.k.a. The Scum, will be on Saturday afternoon, February 23, at Madison Square Garden. The next game against the Philadelphia Flyers, a.k.a. The Philth, will be on Friday night, March 1, at home.

Days until Arsenal play again: 5, at 10:00 AM New York time this Saturday, home to Yorkshire team Huddersfield Town. Hopefully, they can bounce back from the 3-1 loss away to Manchester City yesterday.

Days until the New York Red Bulls play again: 16, on Wednesday, February 20, away to Atlético Pantoja in Santo Domingo, the Dominican Republic, in the 1st Leg of the Round of 16 of the CONCACAF Champions League.

Days until the next North London Derby: 26, on March 2, with Tottenham as the home team. Whether the "New Tottenham Stadium" will finally be open remains to be seen. This game could be at the new Wembley Stadium. Or at Stadium MK in Milton Keynes. Or, who knows. At any rate, it will be in less than 4 weeks.


Days until the U.S. national soccer team plays again: 45, on Thursday, March 21, a friendly against Ecuador at Orlando City Stadium. Under 7 weeks. Last night, they won a friendly (exhibition game) against Costa Rica at Avaya Stadium, home of the San Jose Earthquakes, 2-0.

Days until the Yankees' 2019 Opening Day: 52, on Thursday, March 28, home to the Baltimore Orioles. A little over 9 weeks.

Days until the next Yankees-Red Sox series begins: 71, on Tuesday, April 16, at Yankee Stadium II. About 10 weeks.

Days until the Red Bulls next play a "derby": 75, on Saturday night, April 20, against the New England Revolution, at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro, Massachusetts. The next game against the Philadelphia Union will be on Saturday night, June 8, at Talen Energy Stadium in Chester, Pennsylvania. The next game against New York City FC will be on Sunday night, July 14, at Red Bull Arena. The next game against D.C. United will be on Wednesday night, August 21, at Audi Field in Washington.

Days until the next Women's World Cup kicks off: 123,  on June 7,  in France. A little over 4 months. The U.S. team is 3-time and defending Champions.

Days until the Yankees and Red Sox play each other in London: 145, on June 29. A little under 5 months.

Days until Rutgers University plays football again: 208, on August 31, home to the University of Massachusetts. A little under 7 months.

Days until East Brunswick High School plays football again: Unknown, because the 2019 schedule hasn't been released yet. Usually, the next season begins on the 1st Friday in September, which would be September 6, which would be 214 days. It has been announced that East Brunswick and Old Bridge would no longer play each other on Thanksgiving Day. That game will now be played earlier in the season, but we don't yet know when.

Days until the next Rutgers-Penn State game: 299, on Saturday, November 30, at Beaver Stadium in State College, Pennsylvania. A little under 10 months.

Days until my 50th Birthday, at which point I can join AARP and get discounts for travel and game tickets: 317, on December 18, 2019. Under 11 months.

Days until the Baseball Hall of Fame vote is announced, electing Derek Jeter: 351on January 21, 2020. Under 1 year, or under 12 months.

Days until the next Summer Olympics begins in Tokyo, Japan: 536on July 24, 2020. Under a year and a half, or under 18 months.

Days until the next Presidential election, when we can dump the Trump-Pence regime and elect a real Administration: 638on November 3, 2020. Under 2 years, or just under 21 months.

Days until a fully-Democratic-controlled Congress can convene, and the Republicans can do nothing about it: 699, on January 3, 2021. Under 2 years, or a little under 23 months.


Days until Liberation Day: 716at noon on January 20, 2021. Under 2 years, or under 24 months. Note that this is liberation from the Republican Party, not just from Donald Trump. Having Mike Pence as President wouldn't be better, just differently bad, mixing theocracy with plutocracy, rather than mixing kleptocracy with plutocracy.

Days until the next Winter Olympics begins in Beijing, China: 1,096on February 4, 2022. Exactly 3 years, or 36 months.


Days until the next World Cup is scheduled to kick off: 1,386, on November 21, 2022, in Qatar. Under 4 years, or a little over 45 months. The charges of corruption against Qatar may yet mean that they will lose the tournament, in which case it will be moved to a nation where it would not be too hot to play it in June and July.

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